melissa ben-ishay positivity

Melissa Ben-Ishay founded her successful cupcake company Baked by Melissa during the 2008 recession. Discover her leadership insights and communication tips.

We Can All Better Ourselves

Baked by Melissa came to life as a way to bring bite-sized joy to as many people as we can, but there have definitely been our fair share of challenges like the 2008 recession, growing pains as we expanded to 14 brick-and-mortar stores and nationwide shipping, and a global pandemic...to name a few.


Along the way, I’ve learned that every challenge or difficult time in my life has been an opportunity to grow. And truthfully? Being the best possible version of yourself is serious work and a precious gift all at once.


One of the scariest things about starting a company in your twenties—hell, at any age tbqh—is that suddenly, I became accountable for every single one of my actions. As a business owner, my behavior has consequences. The Baked by Melissa brand was on my shoulders. As we grew, I had to stay accountable to lead by example for our team.


Here are some of the techniques I’ve learned to stay positive during tough times, communicate more effectively, and handle whatever life throws my way (both inside the Baked by Melissa kitchen and out there in the world)!

Relationships Are Everything

Over my 12 years as the face of Baked by Melissa, I can say *the* hardest part about building a business is managing relationships—this was true when we started and it’s still true today.


Our relationships with others and ourselves are constantly changing, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. The best relationships are ones that allow the other person to continually ebb, flow, and grow. Being a good communicator is hard work! And it takes intentional practice every single day.

The Sun Always Rises

During my most challenging times, I've learned that you can only control the way you respond to the things that happen to you. You cannot control anybody else.

Often the same challenge comes up time and time again. At first, of course, I would get emotional. But when the same things happen over and over, it starts to feel silly if you let it get the best of you—the strong emotions fade and within a few hours you're over it.


Instead, I learned to alter the way I respond. Each time I run into a challenge, I change my response and see what works. It’s been a wildly eye-opening exercise and has taught me more than I could begin to explain! It helps me remember that tomorrow’s always a new day.

Sit With Your Emotions

Okay, so this one was a game-changer for me. One of the easiest ways to manage a challenge at work, a conflict with a loved one, or a misunderstanding: don’t respond when you’re feeling emotional.

Let yourself sit with your feelings, even if they’re not the prettiest. Turn off your phone or put it in another room. Power down your laptop. Watch TV, read a book, or do something to take your mind off the situation that’s bothering you.

There’s no ideal timeline here. Some people blush when they’re feeling emotional. Other people feel anxious, or start feeling knots in their stomach. When you don’t feel physical symptoms thinking about what you’re experiencing, you might be ready to talk it through.

Write out a draft on your phone and don’t send until the next day, or when you have a clear head. I promise you’re going to fix something the next day. You’ll find a dozen typos, and you’ll feel so relieved you didn’t send something in the heat of the moment.

When you’ve had time to process and sit with your emotions, you’ll be able to respond without rushing to the defensive. You’ll seek to understand the other person’s point of view.

Sitting with my emotions has made me a better communicator because I come equipped to life’s challenges knowing what’s mine to carry. Then I can respond and communicate from a place of compassion, not hurt or anger.

The Doors of Perception

What’s “right” is all a matter of perspective. Aldous Huxley once wrote, “In life there are things that are known and things that are unknown, and between them, there are the doors of perception.”

We all experience different challenges individually, and the world would be a better place if people seek to understand rather than form opinions based on their own experiences (and their perceptions of their own experiences). Instead, we can all benefit from shifting our viewpoint. How might the other person you’re communicating with see the situation differently than you do, and why? From there, you can approach them with empathy and honesty.

As the leader of a business, I have to choose where my focus goes, and a lot of the time, that means I need to open my eyes to how other people in my business see things differently than me. If you choose to focus on what’s not good, you must choose to find a solution and work with that challenge. That’s how you turn a challenge into an opportunity—and how you fix problems for others, not just yourself.

When I let my emotions sit and approach others from a place of curiosity, I’m able to focus on the positive and lead by example.

That’s why I believe the best leaders aren’t always walking motivational posters—they’re human beings, learning, growing, and making mistakes (yes, making mistakes!) alongside their team. That’s what I strive for every day at Baked by Melissa.

Did you make this recipe? We want to know! Tag us in your baking creations on instagram @bakedbymelissa!